allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
