My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
