He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
