I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
