I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
