so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
