I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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