Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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