My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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