i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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