I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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