I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
