At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
