if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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