NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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