Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
