I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
