you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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