but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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