there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
