There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This girl is more easily done than said...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
