Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
