If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
