Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Someone signed my nipple.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
