Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
