I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
