My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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