and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
