Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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