I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
