I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
