So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
