planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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