I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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