sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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