Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
