he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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