I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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