did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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