What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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