piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
