i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
