it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
