I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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