Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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