Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
