what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
