Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
