Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
