Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
