So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
