imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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