So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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