so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
