but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
